Similar to April 5, 1994, May 18, 2017 is a date that bears significant weight to the Seattle music community. I remember the day clearly, as I’d only just recently started working at KEXP, and for the next few weeks (if not months), the entire station was centered primarily around one man: Chris Cornell. On that fateful day, the Soundgarden frontman, alone in a Detroit hotel room, had taken his life.
Since then, there’s been an increased focus on mental health and the importance of sharing our stories alongside reaching out for help in order to help each other heal. You've probably heard the phrase "You are not alone" repeated more than once here at KEXP. Former Seattleite, now New Yorker, Ben Zaidi understands this on a personal level and is participating in Mental Health Awareness Month all May by sharing exclusive performances, new songs, and intimate stories about his own struggles with mental health.
Earlier this month, the formerly lo-fi, now increasingly hi-fi future soul musician and Song of the Day alum shared on social media a detailed account of his experience with dissociation/derealization, which consists of persistent or recurrent feelings of being detached from one’s body or mental processes, usually with a feeling of being an outside observer of one’s life, or of being detached from one's surroundings. Or, as Zaidi describes it, “basically i [sic] have little stretches where i forget the world is real, and have to remind myself to come back to it.”
He continues on saying, “it's pretty isolating, but it's something i've experienced since i was very young. i was given different medical tests, but no one could diagnose it. i only recently began to recognize it because of an essay that Adam Duritz of Counting Crows wrote about his own experience with the same disorder. that reminded me why sharing our stories matters. not only did reading his story help me feel less alone, it gave me a language for my experience. once i could name it, i could move past the uncertainty, talk to my therapist about the diagnosis & grow my understanding of what the condition means / where it might come from.”
Today, a day before it's released worldwide for the tragic four-year anniversary of Chris Cornell’s death, Zaidi is sharing a new song he wrote for the grunge icon. Appropriately titled “My Friend Chris.” the song is an intimate portrayal of how Cornell’s music helped a young Zaidi feel less alone in struggling with the darkness while also lamenting the fact that, in the end, Cornell succumbed to that same darkness. Zaidi had this to say about the song, written as an open letter to Cornell:
Chris––
The last time I saw you perform, you told stories of being a shy 12-year-old kid, hiding up in your room listening to the Beatles. You said nothing was so transporting & reassuring as that music. I knew what you meant, because I would do that to––only for me it was your songs. As a shy, moody kid who at 13 had already contemplated suicide & struggled with depression, hearing your words made me feel like there was somebody out there who understood. Sitting on the oatmeal carpet of my childhood bedroom, hearing your voice bounce off those 4 walls, I could be assured that somebody knew the way I felt. And I wasn't alone.
I was 23 when the news broke of your death. When they said it was suicide, I knew there was some mistake––how would that be possible ? It was unthinkable, given the role you had played in my life––walking me away from that cliff. And yet, it was true.
When you were 26, your friend & bandmate died of an overdose, and you wrote a song called "Say Hello 2 Heaven." I used to play it over & over, screaming along with your mournful wails––some of the words I wasn't old enough to understand, some of them I was just young enough to. "And he hurt so bad like a soul breaking / but he never said nothing to me". The words stab at us now. Was that about your friend ? Or was it about you ?
Certain pains never go away, and certain hurts never heal completely. The task of helping each other through the fog is never finished. And so, we light the way with small comforts such as the fact that your gift to me didn't end with your songs. It became my whole life––making music, trying to give voice to those deepest feelings. In hopes that maybe someday, somewhere out there, I could do for someone what you did for me. Most days I'm not sure that I ever could. But what I do know is––because of you––I'll spend my whole life trying.
Ben.
All proceeds from “My Friend Chris” will be donated to the charity Childhaven, which includes their Chris Cornell Music Therapy Program started in his name by his wife after his passing. The song follows recent singles “About You” featuring Sol and Sango and “3,000 Miles From Home.” Zaidi recently signed with Nettwerk to release his follow-up to 2019’s ABANDONISM. Listen to “My Friend Chris” and watch Zaidi’s 2019 KEXP in-studio performance below.
The Soundgarden, Temple of the Dog, and Audioslave vocalist may be gone, but leaves behind an astounding legacy.
Word of Chris Cornell's death late Wednesday night was a blow to the music community, but for Seattle it feels even more personal. Cornell was a cornerstone artist for the Northwest. From Soundgarden to Temple of the Dog and Audioslave to his solo work, Cornell helped define the "Seattle sound" wit…
You read that right. We're just as surprised to learn of his passing as you are. Chris Cornell, who was found dead in his Detroit hotel room late last night, has been a Seattle institution for decades, having formed Soundgarden in 1984 and predating in popularity nearly all of the so-called "grunge…
